Comments on: Review: Twilight Imperium

By: haslo

haslo — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 15:31:10 +0000

I’ll get back to you, thanks a huge lot! It won’t be finished until February at least, I’m still reading Thomas Metzinger. Tremendously interesting, but horribly complex

By: hofzinser

hofzinser — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 15:22:27 +0000

Shoot me an email if you want a free set of eyes to look it over for you. It would be my pleasure and honor to help.

By: haslo

haslo — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 15:11:05 +0000

Heh, just had a discussion with a philosophy professor, and he obviously really did stumble over my English in some places of that paper of mine that we reviewed, too Guess I’ll better let my diploma thesis be revised by a native speaker, when it’s written!

By: hofzinser

hofzinser — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 21:05:09 +0000

I applaud you. I had no idea English was not your first language.

By: haslo

haslo — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 20:48:42 +0000

I’ll try the reading thing, good advice indeed. English is not my first language (although I have very few problems with it), and what I read most right now are philosophy books for my diploma thesis, not the best way to streamline things.

What I meant with differentiated was shedding light on multiple sides of an issue at once.

Thanks for following up, too I don’t think I’ll rewrite this post here, if only to keep it as a kinda-historical fragment, but I will rethink my posts with ease of comprehension in mind in the future, before I publish them.

By: hofzinser

hofzinser — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 20:25:47 +0000

Unsolicited advice is not easy to digest. A piece is not more sophisticated because it has more words. I don’t understand what you mean by “differentiated” as you use it.

Newspeak has nothing to do with my comment or your post. Complex language only make your message harder to understand. Simple and efficient use of words leads to better comprehension. That should be your goal as a writer.

All this being said, please don’t take anything I write to heart. This is your blog and you can write any way you like. I only suggested your informative review would be easier to read with some rewriting. Try reading your post out loud. I find this can be a strong method for finding useless words and lacking sentences.

Best of luck, mate. Thanks for helping me decide that this game is something I should buy. Your review was very helpful.

By: haslo

haslo — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 20:02:59 +0000

I gave this some more thought and really don’t think that leaving the word “actually” out would not make a difference. I also think that streamlining in the way you proposed nearly necessitates that I have less differentiated and thus less sophisticated posts.

I am deeply sorry for repeating the same word so many times, though. That should not happen, and I will try to avoid such things in the future.

Since I am no proponent of Newspeak however and clearly do believe that a complex world merits complex language, I’m fairly positive that those who have problems with my not-so-streamlined posts are not those people I would like to befriend anyway, and as such I have no problems with them not reading my blog.

By: haslo

haslo — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 16:30:35 +0000

Uhm, thanks, I guess

By: hofzinser

hofzinser — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 12:53:50 +0000

Good review. You love the word “actually”. You use it five times in the review. In each case it adds nothing to your sentence.

Overall, try tightening your work.

This:
This game is one I’ve been looking forward to actually playing for quite some time now.

Becomes this:
I’ve been looking forward to playing this game for some time.

Shorter and easier to read with the same meaning. If you ask less of your readers you will attract more of them.

Cheers!